Friday, September 2, 2011


my son starts school on tuesday! we went to his kindergarten orientation this morning... i was very pleased he got the teacher i was hoping for.  he is my oldest, so i based that hope on the school's website... his teacher was the first to update her page for this upcoming school year, as well as having a few quotes and proverbs about patience and teaching.  my son was extremely nervous... but i think he will be right at home after he gets used to it.

during the orientation we were informed that next friday's assembly was open to the parents so we can ALL learn the school song for school spirit... i began to cry.  next friday is my surgery date.  originally they wanted to do it today, but i said no because of orientation.  i didnt expect activities so soon... it broke my heart to think i might not be able to go learn the school song.  my hubby was very understanding, and tried to reassure me that if i wasn't able to be there he would.  and that is fantastic for my son... so why am i so bummed out about it?

i suppose thats the part of me that wants to be there for everything... i dont wanna miss a thing.  but it looks like i am going to have to... and i am going to have to accept that sooner than expected.  plus, i tried to ask his teacher if i left sunscreen could she help make sure it is used before lunch.  i mentioned that i understand it can't be applied every time they go out... i was just hoping that before lunch (and the mid-day sun) it could be done.  the teacher asked "can't you just sunscreen him in the morning?" i gently explained i will, but by lunch it will no longer be effective.  her solution was to leave the sunscreen at the office and teach my son to go get it applied after lunch.  she completely missed my concerns - they eat lunch outside!!! then have maybe 15 mins of recess before returning to class... i am NOT worried about that 15 mins, i am worried about the total 45 mins of outside time in the mid-day sun.  besides, i am teaching both of my kids to sunscreen themselves... i just don't want a bottle of sunscreen exploding in my son's backpack.  and i made that clear, but it didn't seem to matter to anyone but me.  i am very frustrated right now...

i am hoping that his teacher was just extremely busy meeting her new students and their families.  and maybe next week she will realize how important this is.  and if she doesn't, then what? am i being unreasonable and paranoid?  both my kids glow... and since my diagnosis even more so because of the sunscreen we use before going out during peak sun hours (10am - 4pm).  i nearly had a panic attack on my parents for my daughter getting slightly sunburnt while they babysat her... it seriously is very upsetting to me.  my mom was first diagnosed in her late 30's, early 40's... and my diagnosis was less than 3 weeks prior to my 32nd birthday.  i don't want my kids dealing with this in their 20's or EVER for that matter...

i suppose all i can do is see how things go once school actually starts.  and make sure my son is a sunscreen expert by then.  he is only 5 yrs old, so wish me luck... he does a decent job, but is easily distracted so sometimes the sunscreen ends up everywhere.

i just finished school last year in late october.  my husband and i both did (well, he finished in december).  the plan was to return home, he would find work, then i would.  we thought it was going to be easier than it was.  we had gone to school for motorcycle mechanics... even tho the school warned it would be difficult to find work in the "off season" we thought we knew better.  we live in san diego, there is no real winter.  so no real riding season, people ride their bikes all year long.  but that is not true of hiring... so it took awhile for my hubby to find work in the industry.  then my daughter turned 3 yrs old (the magic age for head start programs).  so i was getting set to look for work also... but then i was diagnosed with melanoma.  and now i have these procedures scheduled... so i will need recovery time.  but i had specialized in harley davidson at school... and had done their phd program... but those phds only remain valid if you began working in a dealership within one year of school.  doesn't look like i will be keeping my phds.  and i worked my butt off for those...  i had never done anything mechanical before school, and i worked very hard to do well there... and to not give up on it just because it wasn't easy.  and now i am feeling like that hard work isn't going to benefit us like we planned.

i am not an extremely religous person, but i would consider myself spiritual.  so i included the serenity prayer because it has helped me in many instances... and i am hoping this is one of them...

1 comment:

  1. Ok let's just wait and see what the results are from the sugery and go from there. Right now THIS is your job, fighting for your life. Making sure you'll be around to put that sunscreen on your kids. I can't believe the teacher was so blase' about you wanting sunscreen on your son. That's another reason we need to educate more people how deadly melanoma is, and with your family history, you're right... your kids are at increased risk. You HAVE to be vigilant, so keep fighting! Make sure once you heal from your surgery, go in there and show that teacher your scars. Let her see what Melanoma does, and tell her your family history and that if she doesn't agree to put sunscreen on your son BEFORE his lunch, you will complain to the principal and the news media if you have to.
    You're so strong and you're gonna be just fine. And you're so lucky to have a wonderful hubby that will be with you through this too. You might have to miss the school song on Friday, but you're doing this so you'll be around for all the other things, and that's more important.