Friday, September 16, 2011

School Song...

today was friday morning assembly at little man's school... they sang the school song.  i was glad to be there.
even if it was really off key and quiet.  i figure as the year goes on i will enjoy the assemblies and the school song more... as more of the kids remember (or learn) the words. 

i even ran laps with little man for run club.  a bunch of the other parents were looking at me like i was a crazy lady... and i thought i wouldn't get those looks until they got to know me... but it was a lot of fun.  i am learning to get past my insecurities for my kids.  i haven't been going out alot since my diagnosis... at least not during the hours of 10am - 2pm, unless i have an appointment.  both because of my recent heliophobia and because the sunscreen clogs my pores and makes me breakout like a tween during puberty... i have never really felt like a vain person... i have always been all natural... never wore make-up, never dyed my hair... never saw a need.  i guess i was just lucky as teen, never really broke out... but, now at 32yrs old, i find myself kinda wishing i knew how to apply cover-up... not really; just something, or anything to not be so self conscience...

a lot of the parents look at me, breaking out, and give truly snide looks... or let their child play with mine at the park until they realize i am my childrens' parent.  i know i used to be very judgemental, so its even harder... i know where my judgement came from, my experience... but this damn diagnosis has changed my experience.  i've developed social anxieties when i used to be a social butterfly... i have a difficult time chit chatting casually anymore. 

most of the melanoma sites i've joined or follow say the same thing... time allows the paranoia to subside... but as i've mentioned before i am not great at waiting... but i continue to work on it... hoping time really does make a difference.  and trying to not let this fear control me...

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