Caught Off Guard...

i thought i was finally getting a handle on myself since my diagnosis.  i had just gotten past my imagination running wild with my fears.  i was getting to the point that, not only, was life getting back to normal... it was getting to a more organized, efficient, and comfortable normal.  my son starts kindergarten in a couple of weeks, we were starting to gear up for school schedule.  we just celebrated his 5th birthday last week at chuck e cheese.  that is when it happened... i was Caught Off Guard...

i had just run to the car to get the coupons i had forgotten there.  when i was re-entering CEC i got the call.  it was from a new surgeon.  my insurance apparently approved "resection" that my new dr recommended in june.  she had also recommended scans for 3 different areas, they only approved one area -my lungs.  i had the scan, and it came back clear.  the other 2 areas were denied by my insurance.  i had assumed after those denials and clear scan the resection wasn't going to happen.  i was wrong!

but here i was trying to begin my son's 5th birthday party, standing inside CEC on the phone with a surgeon's office.  the whole experience was kinda surreal.  the lady who schedule was very sweet and explained they had a cancellation and wanted to get me in ASAP.  so last friday i went to meet the new surgeon.  before i went in i had decided i didnt want them to do anything.  i just wanted to meet him in case there was any need to surgery in the future since my last experience was a bad one.  the last dr had a really awful bedside manner and poor communication skills.  but, by this point, i had assumed i wasn't going to get approval from my insurance to proceed any further.  so i had made my peace with the situation... decided to try and remain calm and trusting that the dr got it all the first time.

then that phone call... i told my hubby i didn't even want to go meet the new surgeon at first.  but he insisted i needed to go listen to what he had to say.  i begrudgingly did...  and the new surgeon says he wants to go back and perform a wide local excision (wle) AND a sentinel node lymph biopsy (snlb).  he says the wle should have been performed in the first place to achieve the proper margins.  and with the original biopsy breslow depth being .72mm without final depth measurement that the snlb also should have been done earlier. 

i am to melanoma experience... so i listened as i promised my hubby i would.  i heard the surgeon say he saw "satellite".  i knew as soon as i heard that i was no longer just a listener... i was going to have to be a participant.  i have a beautiful family to fight for.  and my understanding of "satellite" is suspected cancer growth within a certain distance of the initial growth.  i asked if the snlb can be performed after the mohs.  the surgeon says it is not the most desirable timing, but it will work.  i left his office in shock again... didn't ask any questions about scheduling, just left... quickly.

i realized i had not asked about the scheduling, but not until it was too late on friday to call.  so i called on monday.  the surgeon's office says they are hoping to have scheduled and completed by the time my son starts school.  i was not ready for that either.  it had taken so long to even see him for a second surgical opinion... but at the same time, i think thats why they are trying to hurry it along.  i just hate being caught off guard... and since they are trying to expedite things as much as possible i can look forward to that again soon. 

i will write more by next wednesday... or when i hear a date for these procedures... but for now i am going to join my hubby playing the wii... i could use some fun, mindless entertainment...