Decisions...

that used to be a philosophy i subscribed to... and i still tell those stories from time to time... but its because i learned from them.  and i am all for anything i learn from.  which brings me to what is on my mind now... i saw my oncologist on thursday.  dr. s wants me to meet with the surgeon dr. b to discuss a lymph dissection... i will see him next wed.  but dr. s also wants me to do a year of interferon... she says because of my age, family, and stage of disease that she feels it is the best course of action for me.  she had once mentioned a new way they infuse the interferon during one of our previous meetings... but when i asked about it this time she said she would rather i "stick with the tried and true method." 

that confuses me greatly... "tried and true method"? the same method i keep reading about how hellish it is... hmmm... its easy for the dr to say this, she isnt the patient... she states i may just feel like i have the flu the whole time i am on the interferon... then there is a trial being done near me... its actually closer than the cancer center i currently go to... but the trial is for interferon vs ipi.  i have read great things about ipi.  but i could still end taking interferon... and if i did, i wouldnt be able to choose to stop if i felt it was necessary... i would be at the studies mercy... i wouldnt want to drop out and potentially harm a study needed to advance in melanoma research.  not to mention i would need to decide asap... apparently if i decided to avoid surgery and go with the trial i would need to start treatment by december 28th... my follow up with dr. s when she expects a decision is december 29th.

also on thursday was my son's first ever field trip... i attempted to be there for it... and i was able to walk with his class from the school to the christmas tree... i was even able to hang out while they waited their turn to add their handmade ornaments to the tree, and see santa.  i was almost able to do it all... but not quite... i had to leave when they were the next class up to make it to my drs appt.  but my dad was able to fill in for my hubby and i.  he made sure he even got pics for me.  little man was pleased i tried my best to do both, but ultimately understands i had to talk to my dr.  and princess was pleased because she also got to sit with santa. 

in the end, i know the choice is mine... but so many things factor in as a wife and mother.  my hubby is the kind of person who was raised to not question drs... and i was raised to be informed about my decisions... usually meaning to have a ton of questions and not minding if i bothered the dr by making them explain, after all it is part of their job.  my little people are 3 1/2 & 5 yrs old.  so being sick for a year will be very difficult while princess is still with me basically 24/7.  so i am leaning towards not wanting interferon, like i have already stated in previous posts... but at the same time dr s brought up a very valid point- with my age, health, stage, and family it would be a decent decision.  so i have alot to think about right now.